Wakeup Call

I hated hooking up friends together for a reason. Today I remembered what that reason was. If something went wrong between them, the first person they remember to bitch about their situation with is you, who hooked them up together.

The breakup happened within a month, the reason was because he got too busy with life demands. We all can’t blame him for that.

One thing I learned in my overshadowed- lonesome-phase, a person must go through this situation at least once in a lifetime. Everything happens so fast and all at once.  Work, college, family and friends. They can never come separately.

Now, other than the fact that shit is happening to you, the hardest thing amongst these things is how you balance between each problem.  And the thing that might frustrate you most is that you wont be able to find someone to give you the support and love that is needed.

I can’t blame him for loosing her because of those things, even though the bigger fault falls on him. He did not appreciate her when she was around; he never knew how much he had until he lost her. And now he desperately wants her back.

As he was speaking to me, expressing how much regret he feels now that she’s gone and he’s left with nothing, I listen to him, understanding each word he was saying, its as if he was speaking of the things I’m going though.

Those couple of months back was the hardest I went though. Everything fell on me all at once, and I couldn’t (and still cant) find the right person to talk to. No one would understand, people would assume I’m being a drama queen when all I’m doing is trying to find myself a shelter and a secret-holder to just speak of the darkest of days to. I can’t say my friends didn’t try to reach out, they actually did but all I was doing was pushing them away, making excuses like “I just need time, to be sad right now” give me my space … when in fact I never needed anyone like I do right now. What I am afraid of though is that ima wake up one day to realize I pushed all of the people that truly cared about me just to be lonely and sad, all by myself.

In fact, I know for real that this will happen in the upcoming future.

So this is actually a message to self more than its just something to write about.

Today, my message to self is, you need to wake up from this bad dream and hold it together as you did the last time. I understand that you don’t want to face another day, at the end I do live inside you and I feel you, but you need to understand that it will not last forever, its only a bad phase that your going through, you need someone to slap you and pull you right out of the shit whole that your making a home to yourself. If you didn’t realize this now, you will wake up one day to find yourself all alone, in your misery and no one will actually be there when you do. What is life without the ones you love?

If you woke up of this awful sleep, all what you will need are the good people that you once had, and I promise you this self, you wont find them there waiting for you. Life is moving on in a blink of an eye.

Do you really want to spend your life being mad at the world and disappointed at self for the rest of what’s left of your life, or do you want to hold yourself together, stand up again and move your ass with the rest of the world.
Because if you want people to believe in you, you must believe in yourself, and if you want the support from those who are around you, you need to believe in supporting yourself first, otherwise its just a waste of time.