Sweet Fantasy

Another conversation about love.

I ask him do you believe in love and that it would last forever. He tells me he strongly believes in it. I try to give him one or two of my beliefs, Aries is too stubborn to change his mind. By trying to tell me the story of how his grandparents were in love and the tragedy of death that shocked his grandmother. He believes that love is strong even after death gives a visit.

“Love is suppose to dignify us. How can it be love if all it does is make you lonely and corrupt.”

My only question to illustrate my point of view is: will you ever, at some point, get bored of your partner.

These stories I hear and witness today are truly sad stories, of how one of them must break the other one’s heart. I can’t lie to you and tell you I haven’t thought about this over and over, looking at it from both sides of negatives and positives, but eventually the result stays the same; love never lasts.

I look at this cigarette and I think about the times I got bored and tired of smoking, but still I do it, because its becoming a habit more than the need for it.

But really, if I –and other smokers- get bored of smoking at least once in a life time, what makes you so sure that you wont get tired and bored of your marriage, or of the loved one. And if your not a smoker, think of something that you’ve always wanted, and did your best to get it, after a while you’ll get tired of the thing you thought you needed the most, and done your best to get it. Look at it now, it most probably is sitting somewhere near the trash, covered in dust.

Its human nature. Its only logically that you’d get tired of being surrounded by –one- thing almost all the time. How about being surrounded with that same person for the rest of your life? Can you really convince me that you will never –not even once- get bored of your spouse?

Isn’t love suppose to last forever, even when shit gets rough? Why do they have to give it all up because its “too much to handle” or “I no longer feel the same way about you” and that sorts of shit. What made you want your partner in the beginning of all this. Those things you should remember and remind yourself whenever your tired of fights and arguments. If you think giving up is the best solution to end what your already in, that will make nothing out of you but a coward. Stay and fight, for the one you love. For happy endings require sad beginnings.

I think I might have drifted a little of the point I was trying to clarify. As I think of all the things that makes me not interested in relationships, love and marriage, a very little part of me wishes to find that one person who would sweep me off my feet. As much as I am ashamed to admit this, and my friends would probably get shocked of this little piece of info since I’m always against those things, here I am admitting it to myself in public.

Is it so bad that part of me still believes that someday someone will save me of this dark endless whole that I am swimming at, the one that would make my heart skip a beat, the one who would never get bored and tired of me when I speak too much words, not even for a fraction of a second, the one who would accompany me when lonely, because misery loves company and I am misery.

The one who will be capable of changing the belief I’ve created to stop myself from getting hurt, hold me tight and tells me to stop this non-sense so that we make history.

I tell Aries if he is able to convince me that there is a man out there who is worth the love, compassion, trust and the attention that I will be giving, I am ready to let myself fall for that man.

Until then, I demand myself to wake up off this sweet fantasy I’m building in my head and go back to the place I was before, the starter point that started all this.
Nothing lasts forever.