Rekindling the Love

Ever since I found out my blog is being read by the last person on earth I wanted to be read by, I stopped blogging. That’s a confession I’m making to you dear readers, in case you were wondering about my disappearance.

Something that has been occupying my mind lately is how life can distract you from your emotions. The world has been running in a blink of an eye that we can’t keep up with our emotions, so we lose touch with that side of us.

The I’m lost feeling is back, I’ve been so busy lately I forgot to love myself and others around me. Not only I noticed myself, but I noticed it in others around me, too.

Today I wonder, what happened to the innocence of love?

If the sweetest most loving guy is there to love you 24/7, the first thing you would think is does perfection truly exist when it comes to your love life?

The kind of love I’ve been receiving is unlike any other, its original pure love that I never thought it existed, not even in movies.

Witness my first time saying this: such happiness I never tasted, love is dressed in concrete. It is as solid and original as ever.

Now I wonder, why am I still not getting the butterflies I used to get when I was younger? At which point did I lose myself in this crowded world, full of greed and hate.

I stop for a second and think, I need some time alone to gain my love ethics again, no, I –need- to stop and think just for a moment, where did the innocence of love disappear?

The only conclusion I could think of right now is, I think when you experience a lot of heart breaks as life happens you turn into this heartless careless person that you never thought you’d become. The once loving full of emotions heart has turned to this greedy blueblack emotionless heart. As a person who loves to blame others, I want to blame those who broke our hearts and turned us into this unfamiliar person.
But I wont. It is what it is, it happened once in the past, doesn’t mean it will happen again. That’s what I like about the way our hearts work, no matter how many times it’s been stabbed, hurt, and scratched; it works perfectly fine and is open to new opportunities. Yes, they are opportunities, cause it doesn’t happen to you daily. You will meet this right person who will get you out of your misery by chance, that comes only once in your life only if you were open to try again.

I say that and I’m not totally convinced. Part of me still dreads. The minute I’m open with my emotions, I pull back like the plant I tried giving my love to once in the past. Sometimes I think I’m too fucked up to be in a relationship, therefore I push people away. I believe I’m the only person who can deal with my flaws and fucked up self.

Now even though I still haven’t found the innocence of love just yet, I remember how lucky I am to have an Aries in my life.

I never felt as accepted as I am today. He is the someone that does not give up on me when I push him as far and hard as I can. He is the someone that accepts me with flaws n all. He is the color of my colorless life.



I want our babies to inherit his positive loving attitude.